Interior monologue..........

Today when I sat to write ,
With sun usually bright,
With my resting on my lap
Something foggy filling up the gap, that lays unknown within me.

Tracking hard on my brain, with thoughts showering like rain, searching for a subject…….
Anything would work, human figure or object
My pen playing in my hand
My feets dug in wet sand,
Enjoying pleasure, feeling glee.

Among the current topics, its hard to select
taking something soothy, would be correct,
shoud it be depicting stern, or be bending like a fern!
But till now I am wondering aimlessly.

After dwelling upon the entire thing….
I heard the sweet birds sing,
I saw trees dancing in passion,
Then a thought passed by me,
I decided to leave for today,
My writing fashion……..
And enjoy nature’s fun.

I know a shooting star!

I know a shooting star!

Lonely I watch the evening sky!
The dullness of the light lies to me,
The lamps on the street are dead!
The bewildered soul, cant find the path ahead.

I trot to plot what I might own,
Missing are the lively seeds, I had sown.
I search for my shadow that’s lost,
Life has charged me with very heavy costs.

My garden now doesn’t bloom,
Heart has been breathing in constant gloom!
Where have vanished the lively smiles
I need some one, I am tired of being alone for miles!

The brown, the yellow, the pink, the red all seem alike
I sense tears, they are ripe.
I look at the adhered sky again,
Eyes see something I cant refrain.

I see a star, that seems to be for me,
As joyous as a flower in glee,
I give a wink and walk by,
And the star is down at my level to share a hi!

It has made a place in pocket closest to my heart,
It fills me with glitters and never moves apart!
I see hope through him, a pot of innocence is on my cart!
A forsee a new beginning, a wholesome start.

The days have passed, star is still with me,
It has come flying by without wings!
Its sweeter than me, and is a lot of fun.
Ok! To summarise, ammmmm……I know a shooting star- that’s you.

What does it take to have a lover who is a soldier?

They say that they don’t say it,
But they mean it,
From the core of their heart.
They say that they don’t show,
But they care for you,
And plan to keep you apart.
I know, his eyes say that,
I feel it in his touch,
But it is overpowered by what he has in his uniform.
My explanations might not be the justified ones, but they do exist.
The one in uniform, salutes,
And to me conveys- “I’ll return”
I sit at home and wait, and pray for his adjourn,
To get a glimpse of him, miles I can run.
The uncertainty of the certainty of his love fades,
When he doesn’t say that he loves!
Though obvious, but I like it the most when it comes, from his lips to my ears,
from his heart to mine.
I understand how bound you are, with multiroles to play,
Don’t fore-grant me,
Don’t keep me at bay.

I long to be a part of you,
To cherish you all the way, in me,
In my memories that would live with me in my smiles,
Not in the foul pain that flows when I cry.
When would you know its important to show,
Its important for the other to know,
That you exist, that you care, not just
For today but the coming days a well.
I don’t wish to see you drowning with me,
Saving someone who would love you,
But miss me when I am not there,
Keep it in mind, wherever I be
I pray or your smiles and your safety.
May you be blessed with the best,
With someone who’ll be all you never need, ever needed,
May you grow with blossoms afresh!
Maintaining all sanctitites.
I hope you red my eyes reading you,And waiting to see your glimpse.
How lovingly I would love to see you,
Prospering and living in peace,
Without me by your side.
Authentic is my feel, warmly felt for you,
I cherish the moments you were with me,
Though you’ll always be,
May god fulfill all your wishes,
May all your dreams be true,
May you be sheltered from all disguise.

Mama’s hands-

I saw you hide your hands in line,
Behind that lady fair,
I noticed too, hers soft and white- immaculate from care.
But ma, I say, it’s no disgrace
To have working’ hands like you,
And had she lived the life you have,
She’d have hands just like it too.

But her have never hauled in wood,
or worked in God’s good earth.
They’ve never felt the bitter cold,
or chopped ice for waiting stock,
They’ve never doctored sick ones,
or dressed a horse’s hock.
They’ve never pulled a hip-locked calf,
or packed water to the barn.
They’ve probably never patched blue jeans,
or had worn old’ socks to darn.

They’ve never touched a young’s,
Or caressed a fevered head,
With hands so gently folded,
all night beside his bed.

They’ve never scrubbed a kitchen floor,
or done dishes every day.
They’ve never guided with those hands
a child who lost the way.
They’ve never made a Christmas gift,
shaped by a loving hand.
They’ve never peeled apples,
Or vegetables they’ve canned.
They’ve never worn a blister,
Or had calluses to show,
For all they’ve done for others,
And the kindness I know.

So you see, my dearest mama-
Yours are hands of love.
And I bet the Lord will noticeWhen he greets you from above.

i love you mom! God bless you. when you would grow old, i will look after you, the way you care for me as a child.

?

please hear what i say

Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I am afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For god’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I am secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
that the water’s calm and I am in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
Is my mask, ever-varying and ever concealing?
Beneath lays no complacence.
Beneath lays confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
A nonchalant sophisticated façade, to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
From my own self – built prison walls,
From the barrier I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
Of what I can’t assure myself,
that I am really worth of something.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
But you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
Even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
The bland stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,
Very feeble wings,
But wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
You can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.

Who I am, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet,
And I am every woman you meet.

Paint brush……….

I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn’t show.
I am so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you’ll do- that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I am afraid I might loose you.
I would like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real me, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.
Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are me friend, pure as gold.
I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
And I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn’t understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.

i fear .................

I fear smiling to you, my beloved,
Because you would just know, its fake.

I fear crying to you, my beloved,
Because then you might get drowned in the never ending sorrow.

I fear keeping alighted in me, a hope,
Because these flames around suffocate me.

I fear expecting dreams to be realities,
Because cruelty lingers around, which can kill me on bed………….

I fear the fear that creeps in my mind,
Because the broken pieces are sailing, they are nowhere to meet.

I miss myself, the one who used to kiss her in the mirror,
Today I shy away from my eyes, because the mirror knows my realities.

I fear people noticing me……..
Because then I’ll be scrutinized for being me.

I fear light, my beloved,
Because the only reason, darkness applies to me, to all my days and nights.

I fear being confident on road,
Because the walks have learned to be alone, sharp throws and hurt prone.

I fear my fear of being so fearful
Because I was proud for being bold to fears.

From where have all these made a place into me………..?